• Woke up today to find my socks wet with a green substance. The Commander Major’s snickering is what had awoken me. I have little to no doubts that he is to blame for my sock moistness.
  • Mustache Rangers Central Command has been piping sad songs into our ship for the last 43 hours. Was doing fine until the Commander Major ate my earplugs in a rage. I am now properly sad.
  • Is it weird that I enjoy sitting on a slightly warm toilet seat, given the knowledge that it was just used by somebody else?
  • My hat has now been missing for 490 years.